there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
