try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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