My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
