this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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