If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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