I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They are going to name an STD after you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Someone signed my nipple.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
