I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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