this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
