I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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