I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Randomize
