i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize