Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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