we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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