ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I met the friendliest cop last night
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
