We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
