guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
