One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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