where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
