it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
