He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
