He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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