you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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