Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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