i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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