So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
