Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
