i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
