So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
