just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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