girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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