my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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