If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
