there's paper in my vomit.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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