arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
