she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize