Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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