you would pick up someone in the library
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
