Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
