He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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