I'm going to jail i love you
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
