I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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