Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize