I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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