dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
