why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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