Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
