Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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