Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
