my being single is dangerous.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
