Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude. I can hear the air.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
