hell yes lets make some ravioli
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
