This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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