Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Pooping to opera.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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