You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
