so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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