I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
