He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
