Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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