my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
