May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
