It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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