He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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