He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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