Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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