Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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