I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
