a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I need to sanitize my soul.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
