i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
