It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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