i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My vagina is officially offended.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
