I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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