Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
