I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize