First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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