i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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