cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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