It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
