Screwed.edu
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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