After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
