Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize