i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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