I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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