I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
