Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
