You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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