I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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