I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
