Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
