why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
