I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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