Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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