Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
