Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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