First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize