it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
