i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
